CHARITY & VULGARITY: Archive

Panorama

I’m watching Panorama and the Principal for the Girls COmmunity or something along those lines has just popped on. “There are two girls posing (Late teens/ early 20’s) and they are presenting themselves to sell shoes, I just don’t understand this” Well you obviously haven’t had your quiche licked. Ah I apologise. Some kids are growing up too fast, but some...

Jan 10th

1 note

How come?

Some mornings I wake up and no matter how much I brush My teeth or rinse My mouth out I STILL wake up with hacky breath. It’s as if I’m the new dog in the kennel and all the other dogs teabag Me while I sleep. Dirty little arse sniffers

Dec 14th

Dec 7th

“To the English FA. Your an absolute fuckin’ mess”

– Me. Today. And everytime I watch a match in England. MESS!

Nov 24th

Placid governments and soft shites

When you’re about to go to war or someone has attacked you, why do governments use pure soft shite language like ‘They have showed a flagrant disregard..’ If you’re going to war then kick right off. ‘The bastards bombed us and now we are going to take fucking liberties’. That would scare the shite out of your enemy. But if you carry on like a private school...

Nov 23rd

Nov 19th

Student riots

These riots that have been kicking off. Pile of shite. This country hasn’t had a good waxa riot in years. We seem to have slipped away from the rest of Europe when it comes to going radge. France have a riot - loads of damage. Greece have a riot - sheer fuckin ructions. London has a riot - some hard cunt slaps a window and some stuck up toff bird thinks ‘Fuck this, I’m not...

Nov 10th

Nov 2nd

Auto Spunk starring Helen Mirren

Plot coming soon.

Oct 29th

Plug

Today I sat on the toilet and delivered a naughty load into the bowl. Wiping My arse is something that I do not enjoy apart from those amazing ghost wipes, those mini lottery wins. Midway through being on the toilet, the house phone rang, instead of leaving it, I decided to plug My arse with a couple of quilted sheets. I answered the phone and then carried on. Long story short I forgot to go back...

Oct 23rd

EasyJet style sex swap gaff

If I was a millionaire I would think of opening a budget sex swap station called Clit - Fit

Oct 5th

This is absolutely belter - Posh bloke being... →

Oct 4th

Sep 29th

Sep 23rd

Sep 13th

Sep 9th

Sep 8th

Gorillaz

Aye, I still won’t listen to them. They can fuck right off with their gigs. Go on lads, do your gigs in danger-zones. Gain some respect back. Skinny puffs. Some of them

Sep 7th

“Does anyone else get their balls out to piss?”

Sep 7th

Aug 27th

Aug 26th

Aug 25th

Villa fans

Not all Villa fans are tosspots.

Aug 23rd

The Return of Newcastle United

FUCKIN COME ON!! It’s 18:56 on My computer clock. The Premiership got off to a great start. Spurs went radge but couldn’t blow their load. Blackpool turned up looking for rick and punched Wigan.. HA THE MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL TUNE JUST CAME ON!! YES!! FUCKIN YES!! BEANS BLOWN ALL OVER THE GAFF!! That’ll do for now!! Aye and you can fuck off as well Cantona you bent backed, back...

Aug 16th

“Andy Gray is a prick”

– Me

Aug 12th

Aug 11th

Guff on top

For the passed hour, there has been, what I think was a stolen car chase nashing around Walkergate and the surrounding areas. The chase itself ended in My street. But the Police helicopter decided to do back flips and piss the whole street off. If I only had of bought a shite laser pen from an Amdy Faye look-alike in Alcudia when I was 9. Or I could rent a speedboat and wait till the pilot...

Aug 9th